Posted by linsai at 10:10 PM on February 6, 2005.

Tis a Sunday morning, and I'm watching Mona Lisa Smile. My family watched it and Troy last night but watching anything with them just ruins it. And dad doesn't go to work until Thursday! No Troy till then I guess. I wish they would go to work all the time like they used to. I hate sharing the house with them. Anyway... yesterday I went to Phantom of the Opera because it started playing in a theatre closer than Oxford, and it is MY FAVOURITE MOVIE. I predict I will dedicate about fifteen minutes a day missing it. And I must get the soundtrack! And I want it to come out on DVD. Ehehehe! And after that Mom dragged me to WalMart and I got a shirt. From WalMart? I shouldnt be nervous about it, its not like I'm a prep that wears only brand name stuff. o.0 And I want a sweater. Hmm. I think I want too much. What is the point of wanting all this stuff when it never does anything better for me? It's not like I will be a better person if I get the top of my ear pierced. I had this dream I was shopping with a superprep, and my dad spent $132 on clothes. And then I had a dream about my friend Kae, with trailers and a lake and finally peanut butter and me not wanting to eat it. The only part I remember really specifically is that Kae had left a tshirt lying around that was black and in red letters swore and I didnt want my parents to think it was mine. And that we had a weird submarine. Umm, okaaaay Lindsay, moving on...



Tomorrow is another week. zee Aylen will be back, wheee. I will have someone to talk to on msn again You know, as much as I hate picking out clothes for school, I would never have uniforms. Clothes are probably the most stressing thing about my day at school, though. And no matter what I wear the preps always look better. No wonder I want to be like them. How could anyone not?

TV: Mona Lisa Smile
M00d: wistful yet resigned

Posted by linsai at 06:04 AM on February 4, 2005.

Wh00pi da KAYXX gots da BLOGGEH! *whoopwhoop*


Meh. Nothing to look forward to. Ever. Kay commented today in band (scaree teacha!) that highland dance makes her happy, and she couldnt think of when she tried anything she knows that makes me happy. Because there is nothing. What is even the point of my being alive? What do I get out of this? NOTHING MAKES ME HAPPY. I could have gotten all depressed when I realized that but then no one would leave me alone. I hate people that wont go away when the world should die because I feel like it. So I saved it for now. This is really too tremendous to be be regularly depressed. Maybe I shold go throw myself off of something high to express my anguish, since I don't feel like wearing black to express my mourning outwardly... Today was an ugly day. That did not help my must-go-die-now wish. Wish... How about I was I had longer legs and longer hair and a less weird nose and a beautiful complexion. And I wish I had charisma and lots of friends and guys and the general adoration of the public. Wouldn't that be nice? Then it wouldn't matter I'm getting braces and it wouldn't matter I can never do anything right, or that I can't be confident or all the things I can't do...


How in the world did I start such a whining paragraph? My day is one thing and my stupid weaknesses is another. I was thinking today how nice it would be to have stresses taken away, and I thought it would feel the same way it feels when youre exhausted and you flop into a fluffy bed with silky pajamas and just curl up in a warm ball and go to sleep happy... that kind of nice feeling. No stress. No EVIL EXPECTATIONS. I hate expectations. Everyone expects something of me. Or maybe they expect nothing. That's worse.


Today Michelle came over and started playing badminton in our court. What was that about? But its not like I own the court so I said nothing. I wanted to hiss at her though when I messed up and laughed at something stupid I missed with the racket and she laughed too. I think I will glare at her a lot tomorrow just so she knows nothing has changed just because she intruded on my laughing. My private joke. I hate her laugh anyway... *rawr* Not a good mood to be in. Maybe I should go be moodless... and be-less... that would be nice not to exist...


Thankfully I have no where to be tonight, like lessons and whatever. I have to practice piano thought. Cant piano just go die too and leave me alone?

TV: CTV News
M00d: die. everything. x.x

Posted by linsai at 05:03 AM on February 3, 2005.

Today lunch was off to a strange start with Jenna not sitting with us But the rest of the lunch warmed up when Kaylen and me started regaling giggle-worthy good time memories from the gaelic college. The lack of communication between Jenna and I was broken when we had to work on our storybook in FLA and found out there was really no reason to act indifferently (Michelle was absent) So the rest of the afternoon was good. I almost feel asleep when we were researching WWII in the library, it was so quiet, peaceful... Painting club was OK afterschool too, except I totally messed up my painting by accident, but that's still OK, I'll fix it next time. And now here I am watching Dr Phil and secretly stuffing myself with Oreos. Hey, it's Groundhog day! Groundhogs are so cute In Canada we have three groundhogs, Wild Willy and B-something Bill in the west, and Shubenacadie Sam right here in to Maritimes. Cuuuuuuuuute groundhog!

TV: Dr Phil
M00d: bouncy

Posted by linsai at 05:07 AM on February 2, 2005.

Well, today Jenna traded in her friends. I don't know what in the world she thinks she's doing. Michelle's not that great of a friend that one would want her back so badly She's partners with her on a project and everything. Mindy, understandably, is not mad like everyone else in an effort to preserve her friendship with Jenna. Her friendship is rooted more deeply with Jenna than ours. But... I know Jenna knew the implications of re-befriending Michelle, but maybe she doesn't care. Well, I hope she is happy, though she has managed to throughly offend and confuzzle me. Mindy seems to think I am socially inept and I shouldnt care what Jenna does because, according to her, it doesnt affect me. How wrong that is. Yesterday Jenna didn't think it was my business either, but it is Jenna's actions that has caused tension between me and Mindy. How unfortunate this has torn Mindy. Hmmm I hope this is just a passing phase...


Kay was at school today, yay! And looking only slightly chipmunkly. Haha poor Kay. Today at lunch we went outside in the cold weather and sat of the freezing sidewalk. It was fun. And nice to get away from the politics and fluorescent lights of middle school.


Edit: Could I be being too hard on Jenna? After all, she is doing as she sees fit. Ehhm... she and I obviously do not see eye to eye. More like knee to elbow. And it doesn't have anything to do with me being short...

TV: News
M00d: irritated

Posted by linsai at 04:47 AM on February 1, 2005.

Today for an hour (8:45-9:45) we used the family studies room and had a pancake breakfast! My group was full of people who couldnt flip a pancake to save their soul, and our supposed parent supervisor was Mrs. Betyna who sort of left us to fend for our own pancakes. At least we got chocolate chips. Victoria even dropped a pancake in the bowl of batter. Byebye little flipped cake.



Kay wasn't at school. Still recovering from surgery. However, Mindy and Jenna were. Jenna's website is coming along nicely, by teh way. *ahem* Today Jenna was being friendly to Michelle. She explained that she is friendly to everyone. May I point out once again Michelle is not everyone? She is a [goes off on tangent]! Sucks that my feelings don't factor into Jenna's decision to be nice to people who don't deserve it. And she tried to hide it from me by saying she wasn't talking to her during the test. Bahij had to tell me. Oooh, bad decision, lying to me. People should learn from Michelle's mistakes. I suppose I shall just hope for Jenna to stop this angering behaviour. After all, she is entitled to be friends with who she likes. But then again, so am I...

B00k: Daily News
TV: Dr Phil
M00d: determined

Posted by linsai at 02:42 AM on January 31, 2005.

Know what's weird? I cannot remember whether I have actually talked to Kay or not since her dental op. (wisdom teeth, ouch Kay!) I've been wondering how she's doing even since about 10 yesterday I can't recall whether I dreamed about talking to her on mSN or whether I actually did... ahhh I am a headcase. I'm thinking I must have dreamed it. I also had a weird dream about wearing a jean miniskirt to school o.0 ahahah like that would ever happen. Still having trouble sleeping at night after going to see Hide and Seek with Kay on Fri.



This weekend I have gotten a lot of things. In order.. a guitar,many new earrings, a shirt from a prep store (I like it anyway), I got to pick a movie for the weekend, and I found the mirror I was supposed to get to hang in my cloest for Xmas.



WORRIED about KAY when could she BE? They probably drugged her up with Tylenol! Gah, must know if she ish alrighty.

TV: Little Black Book
M00d: worried

Posted by linsai at 08:10 AM on January 28, 2005.

Whoa, I just totally spazzed on Kay. I mean, totally went schizo. I'm crazy sometimes. (Benny is too, hahaha) Ya know, some people would care what people think if they went to the guidance counsellor, but honestly, the only ones who would notice are my friends and the preps in my class, and seriously, who cares what the preps think? ...OK, maybe everyone else does. But they already don't like me so pffft.


OK, why in the world are the jocks and preps allowed to do things like dance around arm in arm and not get weird looks? Or this jock, who like, grabbed my foot when he ran past the stage I was sitting on in gym. I don't even KNOW him, but jocks can just do things like that. If it had been anything other than my boot thought I would have kicked him, I swear...



*Note: Benny is my imaginary cannibal pet penguin. He bites. o.0

B00k: Eragon
TV: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (repeat)
M00d: sarcastic/passive

Posted by linsai at 04:39 AM on January 28, 2005.

Haha, we went to school Wdnesday and Thursday, and because of my knee screwing up I didn't even have to do gym. Muahahaha. This is my idea of a good week.


You know what? Maybe choices are awful, but having no control whatsoever is so much worse. Especially to watch someone else making stupid decisions and not being able to do anything about it... Yeah, random paragraph here...


Three day weekend!!! :D Must go dig a snow tunnel tomorrow or something. Wheee!

TV: Dr. Phil
M00d: a good kind of meh